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This is dedicated to all of you #futuredads out there. There is so much information on surrogacy for gay men and having biological babies, that it can sometimes be overwhelming. In this episode we help gay couple Stephen and Spencer, with their baby steps in their research on having kids. We interviewed Dr. John Hesla from ORM Fertility, who answered the couples’ questions, including the pros and cons of having a surrogate and/or an egg donor who is a friend.

There’s fascination especially from women and girlfriends of gay men, around gays becoming dads. Have you ever had a girlfriend coming to you, like, ‘Oh my God! I want to have your kid!’? Well, maybe it’s worth it to take them to dinner and figure out how serious they are about it, because it sure saves you tens of thousands of dollars in the process of building your family.

“If you go with someone you know, most of the time the expectation is that that person will have a role in the child’s life, and probably the child will periodically see her,” Dr. Hesla told Stephen and Spencer on our podcast.

“If a friend or a family member agrees to donate eggs for you, she may not be optimal in terms of her egg quality or in terms of her family medical background. So if the woman, the donor, is someone the couples knows, she would have to undergo a thorough screening process. I treated donors who have been as old as 40 or 41 who have been sisters of one of the men in the couple, and the treatment has worked, but the chance of it working is much less if the egg donor is older because there’s much higher risk of genetically abnormal eggs.”

As far as having a friend as a surrogate, Dr. Hesla says that your friend should undergo the full screening process in order to make sure she’s a match. “We obtain the medical records of the potential surrogate’s past pregnancies and deliveries and review them to make sure that there were no complications in previous pregnancies. All surrogates are women who’ve had children in the past and have children who are living at home with them at present. There are potential risks in women carrying pregnancies and we want to make sure that a surrogate is someone who has lower risks.”

Of course we talked about so very much in the episode. Listen to the conversation – and then go make some babies! 🙂

Our Co-Hosts

Stephen Horn and Spencer Barnes

Stephen Horn (Talent and Organization Developer at a BioTech company) and Spencer Barnes (Celebrity Make Up Artist) met two years ago in Los Angeles through mutual friends. The couple are seriously considering having kids and begin their research through us at Daddy Squared.

Follow Stephen and Spencer on their journey to parenthood on Instagram, at @stephen_william89 and @spencernarnesla.

Our Guest

John S. Hesla, MD, is a board-certified reproductive endocrinologist specializing in the treatment and care of patients with endocrine and infertility issues. He joined ORM Fertility in 1999 as co-founder of its IVF program — helping to build one of the first embryology laboratory clean rooms in the world.

Dr. Hesla is internationally recognized for his innovative methods for treating infertility, and for his overall tenacity and dedication to helping patients achieve their dream of a successful pregnancy.

Dr. Hesla has lived in Portland, Ore., much of his life. He was valedictorian of his graduating class at Sunset High School in Beaverton, and at the early age of seventeen he interned at the Oregon National Primate Research Center (ONPRC) — which drew him to reproductive medicine.

Our Sponsor

ORM Fertility is proud to support our gay male patients’ journey to parenthood. Gay men wishing to build their biological family will need the help of an egg donor, gestational surrogate, and in vitro fertilization (IVF). Our ingrowing website offers information and resources to make it easy for you when you start your research on becoming dads.

For over 30 years, ORM Fertility has been at the forefront of fertility treatment, providing personalized patient care, cutting-edge technology, and some of the highest success rates in the industry. We are honored to be a trusted resource for the LGBTQ+ community.

Inclusivity is not just a buzz word to us. We pride ourselves in being a truly welcoming clinic and helping all families grow. Our expert team walks parents-to-be through every step of their fertility journey. Our treatments include intrauterine insemination (IUI), in vitro fertilization (IVF), donor sperm, donor egg, gestational surrogacy, genetic testing, and fertility preservation.

Episode Credits

Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex Maghen, Stephen Horn, Spencer Barnes
Guest: Dr. John Hesla, ORM Fertility
Opening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy here
Articles Related to this episode:
Where to Start If You’re A Gay Couple Wanting to Have Kids (Yan Dekel, Daddy Squared)

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