If you think parenting is hard for a couple, imagine what it’s like to be a single dad. This week we talked to Calvin Fleming, a gay, single dad and the owner of Public Relations and Marketing company, about work-life balance, raising two kids by himself – and, of course, about dating.
“There was a point where I did consider opening myself up to dating, but after the adoption was finalized I started to open myself up to it and I went on Ok Cupid or Match and went on a couple of dates,” Calvin reveals. “You get the guys where you end up talking about the kids more and then you’re like ‘wait, which one of us do you want to date?’ and then you get the guys that are super cool that I have kids and they tell you how they already have Disneyland annual passes and they are ready to [get married]. It’s not a good path.”
Nevertheless, Calvin says he remains open to dating but “I proceed cautiously. Right now I’m actually happy being single,” he says.
No matter what gay couples think, the hardest challenge that single gay dads face is work-life balance.
“I do work for myself so it makes things a little easier, because my schedule can be more flexible,” he says, “especially with the foster-adopt process, it takes time because you have a lot of meetings with social workers and therapists so you have to be flexible. I don’t understand how people with full-time jobs can jump in and out on a whim.”
Speaking extensively on the foster-adopt path, Calvin advises to drop your prejudices about the biological parents who give up kids for adoption.
“A lot of the time bio families in the adoptive world are seen as bad but they are not always bad,” he explains. “There are a lot of biological families that have good intentions but they know what boundaries they need to set for themselves (financial and realistic).”
Also, Calvin finds it valuable to connect with gay single dads. “I find joy in meeting other single dads because it’s good to have something in common with other dads,” he says.
About Calvin Fleming
Calvin Fleming has more than 22 years of experience leading PR and marketing outreach on behalf of major consumer brands, start-up companies, cause-related marketing initiatives and government public education campaigns. Based on his wealth of experience, he’s able to bring together diverse teams to help clients meet their specific goals – collaborating with Spanish and multilingual media experts, social media and web developers, event planners, video production companies and other specialists.
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